There is this feeling today.
I don’t know what is it, but I don’t feel like I am here.
Everything is pretty much normal. Same place to work, same people, same things around. However, I feel like everything is different. I feel like everything is so far away. I am slower, and my mind can’t settle. I cannot leave things be, like one does everyday.
I feel absent of the being. As if I was nothing at this moment. And I don’t mean like “I’m nothing” in a drama sense. I just don’t feel emplaced towards nothing at the moment, and that leaves me in a strange place. That leaves me nowhere. And then when I try to interact with people I don’t feel like laughing, or even speaking. I just feel like watching. But then I have to move and do something since when interaction occurs that’s what people expects: responses. I am unresponsive at the moment. I feel a void all around my self. I feel nothingness.
At the beginning of the day I thought this was sadness, the good kind, the one that I know how to deal with and it even makes me feel comfortable.
But, I’m not sure anymore that it is sadness. Now it’s more like a question that it’s trying for me to listen to it. But I hear nothing. I don’t know what to reply to a question I cannot hear.
Today it doesn’t feel like an every-day.
It feels like something else, but the strange thing is that nothing different from what happens every-day has happen. Which then I could say it’s just an ordinary day. But it’s not.